My toddler won’t go to bed on his own and keeps coming out of his room. Then at night he comes into my bed. What should I do?

Children need routine, consistency and predictability.

The child’s tired signs need to be detected. The child can lose interest in toys, become clingy and cry. They may rub their eyes, blink, yawn, become grumpy, be overactive or clumsy.

Helping a child prepare to separate from parent/s will take the battle out of bed time. Children find it difficult to sleep if they are tense or upset. Lots of positive attention during the day will help them to separate more easily at bedtime.

A bedtime routine allows the child to calm, and prepare for sleep. For example, bath time, a drink of milk, cleaning teeth, toilet, story time then bed.

The child can be involved in the preparations for bed such as closing the curtains, pulling down the blankets, putting teddy into bed and choosing the story.

The child’s sleep associations need to be child led and not relying on the parent’s presence, e.g. snuggling up to a cuddly soft toy or blanket.

Use a positive, calm tone when taking your child to the bedroom.

Tuck the child into bed, giving them the comfort object then the parent should give the child a goodnight kiss and cuddle, and reassure them as they leave the room. This gives the child the opportunity to self-settle.

Listen to the child and respond appropriately. Consistent, reassuring and predictable responses help the child to calm and feel good in their own bed. They learn that their parents will come and give them comfort when they need it. As a result, they are reassured and call out less and will self-settle.

Use positive language when talking to your child. Tell them what you want them to do, e.g. lie down on the bed, put your head on the pillow, stay in bed until the sun comes up tomorrow instead of “DON’T get up”!

Listen to the cry - If the child is protesting or grizzling, he/she does not need the parent’s input. They need space and time to self-settle.

The child constantly gets out of bed. – Remain calm!

Return the child to bed with minimal fuss. Get them to walk back to bed and climb into the bed. They won’t need tucking in each time. Allow the child to rearrange the bedding for their comfort.

Repeat the same verbal reassurances – repetition soothes and calms.

The parent may need to stay in sight until the child calms, then gradually withdraw.

Keep interactions to a minimum as the child will be stimulated and wake more with variety and interaction. (Save this for daytime) Don’t argue with your child. You are the parent and have established the rules for bedtime. Be consistent and predictable. Your child will feel more secure and settle calmly into bed.

If your child constantly calls out for attention be reassured that everything the child needs has been attended to during the bedtime routine. Listen to their talk and respond if needed. The child may need one trip to the toilet or one drink of water. After this, they will only require some quiet reassurance.

If your child wakes frequently overnight – Listen to the child. If the child gets out of bed, resettle as above. Keep interactions to a minimum. Give the child the opportunity to self-settle. Give verbal reminders of the behaviour that is expected, for example “Lie down on the bed, head on the pillow, staying in bed until the sun comes up. Repetition soothes and calms. Keep repeating one strategy over and over then add another if this is not working. Consistency will work.